“HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR PRESENT?”
This was the first year I did not receive my annual phone call from dad asking that, oh so familiar question, regarding my birthday gift. For the past few years, after mum passed away, dad would buy his three daughters the same matching gifts, as in, matching clothing, jewellery, etc. Dad loved to shop. He always had the strangest taste in clothes and gifts. It did get worse over the years, like the ruffled blouse he bought my sister after his last trip to Blackpool, she looked like a dated cabaret singer. I used to tell him not to worry as the shipping of such gifts was way too pricey – but he was always one for gifts and tokens of his love. There was no such token this year – no phone call – no calls from the UK – my sisters thought I was busy but it was a miscommunication. I later told one of my close friends who was complaining about her mum – I told her that this year the silence was deafening!
With the loss of my dad thoughts turn to the question; now I no longer have any parents - whose going to love me unconditionally?? Yes, we have our spouses or partners, but it’s not the same as the love felt and given by one’s parents. That was a question that went through my mind on my birthday.
Due to heavy rain in the forecast, my birthday celebration was scheduled for the following day. We gathered in my friend’s garden and it was the perfect gathering, especially after our experience of lock down over the past year. My wonderful friends had put funds together and purchased the most delicious and extravagant chocolate cake for me - we indulged in cake and wine and caught up on everyone’s happenings. I opened a few gifts and cards and reflected on my first birthday without my wonderful mum and dad.
My beautiful birthday cake
I have very fond memories of birthdays from my childhood, especially my 16th birthday. Mum had ‘put on’ a buffet and I had some school chums over to watch a couple of videos, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, plus The Sex Pistols movie, God Save The Queen – we were teenagers, after all. My dad, having been a party animal in his youth had a bottle of – what he thought was mulled wine or champagne and poured us all a glass to celebrate. It turned out to be an expensive cognac – I guess that’s where I developed my taste for brandy? Anyhow, by the time everyone’s parents came to pick up their teenagers, my father was on the steps of the house profusely apologizing for such a mishap, we were all slightly ‘drunk.’
My dad's 80th birthday - just look at the pure joy - maybe it was the cake?
Loving memories. Happy times, such as my 50th, spent with my dad in Brugge – just the two of us and dad’s wonderful 80th - birthdays will never be the same.
Over the past year and due to having lost my job through the Covid pandemic, I have found myself in a position of working with seniors in a care home, many with dementia or recovering from strokes. On the other end of the spectrum, I spend the odd day working in a local daycare. Ages 1 1/2 – 5 years. After observing birthdays through the eyes of a child and then seeing the reaction of seniors, when it comes to their special day – there is no denying that birthdays, no matter your circumstances are very, very special to each and every one of us.
We have one person in the care home that probably states that it is her birthday at least a once a month. You can see the joy on her face when she announces to me that it is her birthday today. A few weeks ago, I did have the honor of placing a cupcake in front of a gentleman that has limited verbal communication, but you could still see the acknowledgment in his body language and face, especially in his eyes, that today was his birthday and it was super special. Another gentleman had his birthday balloon tied to his wheelchair for at least three days after his special day.
As humans we appreciate the fact that today is all about you – whether you take the whole day to celebrate or an hour or two. Having lost both my parents, and reaching the time in my life when you appreciate others spending time out of their day to acknowledge ‘YOU.’ Even through this modern-day of social media – I think it’s special for everyone to take a moment and type in a ‘happy birthday’ message to show that person, that even for as little as five minutes or less, you stopped, took the time to write, and thought about them. I personally appreciate it so very much, people who I have met throughout my life who have taken a moment out of their day to type in those two special words ‘Happy Birthday.’
Going forward and realizing that the people who you surround yourself with are now more than just friends but rapidly becoming family – it’s comforting to know that they are thinking of you and wanting to celebrate you. Back in my friend’s garden, this year, I wondered if I would be OK without my dad’s special message and his words of unconditional love, written in, as always a 'loving daughter' card. On opening one card I found the answer to my question – it was there right in front of me and as soon as I read it – it resonated with me and I felt that yes – I am going to be OK in my new ‘orphan’ situation. It’s going to be an incredibly long journey and it’s not going to be easy – but it's as if my dear friend had read my mind and knew the question I needed answered. Her three words written in that card;
‘You are loved.’
As soon as I digested that line I knew that life will be OK and I will gather up the strength to carry on. Yes, there will be more celebrations and that phrase; "hope you like your present?" will never be spoken again from either parent but as long as I remember all the good times in my past I know there are going to be many more in my future.
Happy Birthday to anyone whose reading this and whose birthday it is today. Whether you are 12 or 62 know that you are loved!
Very well written Helen! Cherish the memories. ❤️